Something About Myself

I have always found it difficult to write about myself. There is nothing fascinating about me. I am as plain as a cup of tepid coffee. You could have passed me in the street without giving me a second look.

I am a loner. I can easily count the number of my friends with my fingers.I always feel ill-at-ease in the midst of a chattering crowd. My lips will remain tightly-pursed throughout a conversation unless you ask me some questions. Don't ask me too many because I get stupefied easily.I hardly express my opinion. I don't have the faculty of impromptu. I can't string words to form a coherent strand of thought off-handedly. However, in certain rare circumstances, my speech may become free-flowing. I will speak more than I should. The verbal incontinence gives me more than my fair share of problems. To save myself from embarrassment, I try to keep myself as quiet as possible in any social gatherings.

It is difficult to find people on the same wavelength as me. I have a ludicrous child-like perception of things.Sometimes I feel like being in the centre of galaxy, drifting towards an unknown light.

Many people will look at me incredulously when I tell them that I am a teacher. They can't believe that a person as reserved and laconic as myself can do the job well.Their perception of me is quite right. I am an ineffectual teacher. I tend to lapse into silence half-way through my lesson. Despite having been teaching for fourteen years, I am still as jittery as I was on my first day of teaching. I stutter and stumble easily in front of students.

There is a Chinese lilt to my spoken English. It's difficult to get rid of it because there are simply too many Malaysians speaking like I do. My English would have sounded awkward if I try to speak with a British drawl.

My favourite expression is:"oh, my!". I am prone to using the word 'however' more than necessary.

Although I am inseparable from my parents, I don't live off them. I give them 70% of my salary every month. I love them more than I love myself. However, I give them a lot of trouble. They have to take turns taking me to hospital from time to time. I am immobile. I don't know how to drive. No, I never dare to drive! Many of my friends call me a 'mother-ridden boy'. I don't like the nickname. But I can't stop them from labeling me that way.

I suffer from permanent tinnitus. I hear a sharp screeching tone in my right ear every second.I am on medication for bipolar disorder too.

Many people say that I have a good singing voice. But I dare not sing in public. I have a smattering of musical knowledge. I play guitar for my own amusement.I only know how to play 'Lightly Row' on the piano.

I love reading. But I am a slow-reader. It usually takes me 11 to 20 weeks to finish a book.I have a dogged determination for self-improvement as far as English is concerned. My aim is to read as many English novels as possible to ameliorate my mastery of grammar. I like to experiment with different genres of writing in my free time. My colleagues often insinuate that my writing is cheesy and atrocious. They never show me their so-called better ones.

I am bad in Mathematics. Figures make my head spin. All my Mathematics teachers shook their heads at my poor numeracy.I was the only Chinese in my class to have flunked the subject.

I am very disorganized. Books, stationery and whatnot are scattered helter-skelter about my bedroom.

I am a dilettante in Art. Despite my amateurish skills, my sketches and paintings are rather good. Trees are my favourite subject. I love to show how they taper to a point from their broad base. They are most beautiful when sunlight penetrates their green lace. The pool of dappled shadows cast under them is like an intricate patchwork. I also enjoy painting rivers . However, it is not easy to capture the movements of ripples on them. Similarly, it is difficult to paint the quivering streak of moonlight on a river's surface. I have a predilection for painting chiaroscuro portraits too. It is interesting to study the play of light and shadow on a person's face.The contours of human faces in semi-darkness have a mystifying quality.

I am a procrastinator who hems and haws easily. I always vacillate between holding onto my life principles and following the crowd. I lack firmness and rationality of action.

I am very hot-tempered. It is not easy to mollify me when I am angry. However, I have learnt to keep my emotion in check through psychiatric help and counseling.

I run a mile from salespeople and sanctimonious, prissy church-goers.I also dislike those who hobnob with big shots.Befriending histrionic and pompous people is a definite no-no for me. During a conversation, the person who purposely goes off at a tangent irritates me.

I am overweight. I am 181cm tall and weigh nearly 230 pounds.I am klutzy in sports. I am good at baking cakes and making traditional Chinese desserts. I eat a lot to quell my disquiet. I know it is not good.

I don't care tuppence about politics.

I hope today's entry has shed some light on my personality. Forgive me if it sounds highfalutin.