The Girl In His Dream

Wu Fang had a strange recurring dream before he attends the literature workshop at the Teacher Activity Centre along Bintang Road.
            In the dream, he reached his home in Pin Fook Garden from school in a late evening. The moment he crossed the threshold of his house, a young woman in a crushed flower dress greeted him and gave him a hug. Wu Fang inadvertently put his arms around her and kissed her cheek. He did not know who she was but found himself drawn to her in spirit. He could feel the warmth of her touch and smell the light floral scent from her slim body.  Wu Fang then heard children voices ringing around them and they were surrounded by three to four kids of six to eight years old. He stroked the soft hair of their heads and lifted up a girl in his arms.  Soft, fuzzy light moved like an undulating stream among them and his heart was flooded by an overwhelming sense of peace.
           Wu Fang always laughs off the dream as something daft and illogical. He never thinks himself suited to marriage. A regular psychiatric outpatient, he cloisters his heart with impregnable walls of reserve and it is not easy for others to penetrate into his inner world.
          The woman in Wu Fang’s recurring dream has an oval face. She is no great beauty but pleasing to look at. Her slanted eyes are matched by a well-defined nose and delicate lips. She has a fair, flawless complexion. Her hair, tied into a ponytail, has a central-parting fringe. She exudes the nurturing kindness that forms the core of the female nature.
          Wu Fang is fifteen minutes late for the first day of the literature workshop.  Organized by the Ministry of Education, it will be held for three days to train selected teachers how to teach literature creatively.  Wu Fang wanted to be punctual for it but a stomach upset kept him a little longer in the toilet this morning. After apologizing to the speaker of the workshop, he takes an empty seat beside a young woman. She turns her head in his direction and says hi.  Wu Fang is stunned at the sight of her face.  He cannot believe his eyes.  The woman who frequently appeared in his dreams is now sitting less than a meter away from him. Are his eyes playing tricks on him? She is dressed in the same crushed flower dress as she did in his dreams. For a moment Wu Fang is lost in her smiling eyes.  He could feel the world becoming still and quiet between them.  The room has turned into a field abundant with sprays of flowers. They are standing face to face on a trail overhung with trees. Light checkers with shade around them. Birds' chirping and the sweet scent of morning dews are in the air.  What is happening? Wu Fang thinks.  Is he dreaming again? A warm, mellow sensation is now pulsating through the veins of his whole being.  Is it a feeling of love?

Wu Fang quickly collects himself and returns her greeting.  She introduces herself

as Brenda Chong, a teacher teaching in a rural school.

“I am happy to meet you,” Wu Fang says, trying to smoothen his stammering voice.

“Me too,” is Brenda’s reply.

“I never saw you in the workshops I attended before,” Wu Fang says, “Are you a newly-posted teacher?”

“Yes, I am,” says Brenda. “It’s my second year of teaching.”

“You will be attending a lot more workshops like this in future,” says Wu Fang.

“How long have you been teaching?” asks Brenda.

“Fourteen years,” Wu Fang answers.

“You must be very well-experienced in teaching,” Brenda says.

“No, not quite,” says Wu Fang, a little uneasy about the age difference between them.

Their conversation is interrupted by an announcement.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,” says the speaker, an Indian lady in her late fourties.  “We are going to start today’s workshop with an ice-breaking activity.  Get into pairs and we will give each of you a piece of paper.  You are to stick it on your partner’s back.”

The male assistant of the speaker carries up a stack of papers from a desk and distributes them among the participants. All the teachers did what the speaker said.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please move to the centre of the room,” continues the Indian speaker. “walk around and write a suitable adjective on everyone’s back.  Avoid repeating the same adjective.”

Chuckles ripple through the teachers and a Malay teacher sets the activity in motion by writing an adjective on a Bidayuh teacher’s back.  Everyone follows suit.  Wu Fang feels his blood rushing to his face as Brenda writes on his back.  When Brenda turns her back to him, he hesitates and is not sure what to write.

“Hey,” Brenda asks, “Why are you not writing on my back?”

“Sorry,” Wu Fang says. “My pen runs out of ink.”

“Use mine then,” says Brenda, undoubtful of Wu Fang’s lie.

Wu Fang takes Brenda’s proffered pen and scribbles the word ‘friendly’ on her back.  He had a strong impulse to write ‘dream-like’ but thought better of it.  Then, they weave through the crowd of teacher participants, labelling the back of each other with the best adjective.  Wu Fang observes Brenda on the sly throughout the activity.  Unlike him, she can mingle with anyone with no problem.  She pays attention to what others are saying with unpretentious enthusiasm and gets into a banter easily.  There is not a shade of reserve in her character.

When the back-labelling activity is over,  the Indian speaker tells everyone to introduce each other by reading the descriptions of their partners.  Brenda takes Wu Fan’s description paper off his back and glances over it. 

            “Haha, my goodness.” Brenda chuckles.          

            “What’s so funny?” Wu Fang asks.

            “My,” says Brenda, smiling. “Your descriptions are either round, fat, corpulent or big-sized.  One person even describes you as short.”

            “The first few descriptions are right,” says Wu Fang, with a frown.  “But I am 180cm tall.”

            “I think it was written by Madam How,” says Brenda, turning to the tall woman behind her.  “Madam How, did you describe Mr Ting as short?”

            “Yes,” says Madam Ho as she nods her head.  “His body size makes him look short.  As a five feet nine woman, I consider any man under 185cm short.”

            “I get what you meant,” says Brenda.

            “Mr Ting,” asks Madam How, “what’s your weight?”

            “110kg,” says Wu Fang, blushing.

            “Wow!” exclaims Madam How. “No wonder you look like a ball of flesh.”

            Wu Fang is very annoyed.  He is always teased by his students for being fat.  He did not expect that he would become a subject of ridicule in today’s workshop.  When Brenda introduces Wu Fang over a microphone, many people roar with laughter.  Although Wu Fang’s face burns with humiliation, he manages to squeeze out a smile. He stutters when introducing Brenda.  He finds himself stupid and useless.

In the next session, the Indian speaker asks everyone to rewrite William Butler Yeat’s famous poem ‘The Lake Isle of Innisfree’.

“Look at the questions on the powerpoint slide,” explains the Indian speaker. “ Answer the questions on where you would like to relax your mind, why you chose it, what you would like to plant there, what you can see there as well as who you would pick as your companion in the place.”

All the participants work on the questions immediately.  It only takes Brenda a few minutes to answer the questions and she goes to the privy with a few lady teachers.  Wu Fang peeps at her answers and is surprised to find that they are almost identical to his.  He quickly crumples his paper into a ball and writes new answers on a new piece of paper.

When Brenda returns to the workshop room, the Indian speaker goes on with her instruction.

“Now, interview each other.  Then, write out a new version of The Lake Isle of Innisfree based on the information obtained from your partner.”

The room becomes a cacophony of voice at once.

“Mr. Ting,” asks Brenda.  “Where would you like to relax your mind?”

“The Mongolian Steppe,” answers Wu Fang. “What about you?”

“My dream place is not far from here,” says Brenda. “It’s my mother’s former workplace, Bario.”

“Was your mum a teacher?” Wu Fang asks.

“Yes, she taught at SMK Bario in the first three years of her teaching.”

Wu Fang’s Iban mother actually taught in SMK Bario before.  He does not want the coincidence to be misinterpreted.

“Why do you like Bario?”

“Well, it has a temperate weather,” Brenda says, “and a lush greenery.”

“It is indeed a beautiful place.” Wu Fang smiles.

“Mr Ting, may I know why you prefer to relax in the Mongolian Steppe?”

A pang of guilt hits Wu Fang in his chest.  His original answer is also Bario.

“It—it’s mysterious,” Wu Fang stammers.

“You must have found the wide expanse of the steppe intriguing,” opines Brenda.

“Yes, yes.” Wu Fang nods sheepishly.

“In Bario,” enthuses Brenda, “I will plant all sorts of vegetables.  The land is very fertile there.”

“I know nothing of farming.  The land of the Stepple might not be arable,” says Wu Fang. He hasn’t answered the question on what you would like to plant in your dreamland.

 “But it is full of grass,” gasps Brenda, with incredulity. “You seem to know very little of the Steppe. Why did you choose it then?”

“Er—er.”  Wu Fang is unable to answer her question.  He is trapped in the entanglement of  his ignorance and his lack of logical thinking.

“The Mongolian Steppe is teeming with cattle and sheep,” says Brenda.  “You can be a herder there.”

“You are right.”  Wu Fang silently curses himself for choosing the Mongolian Steppe blindly.  Brenda must have declared him a pea-brained idiot in her mind.

“Who would you pick as your companion in the Mongolian Steppe?” asks Brenda.

“I want to be alone there,” Wu Fang replies.

“How pitiful,” says Brenda. “I want to be in Bario with my parents.”

“Why?”

“It was not easy for my parents to bring me up,” says Brenda.  “I want to give them the best thing in the world.”

Brenda continues to impress Wu Fang in the next two days. In a forum which discusses the themes of Robert Louis Stevenson’s ‘Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde’, she presents her ideas lucidly and cogently.  Wu Fang, on the other hand, makes a lot of foolish stumbles.

“One of the themes of the novel is good versus devil,” Wu Fang introduces a point.

“No,” corrects the Indian speaker, “ it should be good versus evil.”

“Sorry,” Wu Fang says. “It was a slip of my tongue.”

“It’s okay,” says the Indian speaker.  “Start your elaborations.”

Wu Fang takes a deep breath and says, “Well, Dr Jekyll is torn between good and evil throughout the novel.  He is a well-respected, philantropist doctor in the mornings and a ma....mal..” The word is on the tip of his tongue but it eludes him.  Although Wu Fang is an English teacher, he seldom speaks the language.  He speaks Malay, Iban and Chinese with his colleagues and students all the time.

“Malevolent,” Brenda whispers the word.

Wu Fang looks gratefully at Brenda and continues, “and a malevolent man who is bent on hurting others at nights.  He  is overwhelmed by joyfulness each time he commits a crime but regrets it when he transforms back to his evil-self the next morning...”

“It should be his normal-self,” says the Indian speaker.

“Sorry, my mind is a little confused today,” says Wu Fang, struggling to restore his equanimity.

“Make sure you are not like that in the real world of teaching,” says the male assistant of the Indian speaker.

Everyone bursts out laughing. Wu Fang feels so hurt to see Brenda joining in the mocking fun.

In the final session, which is a poster designing activity, Brenda showcases her outstanding drawing ability.  Many people sigh and squeal in admiration as she brings the characters in Guy de Maupassant's  ‘The Necklace’ to life through her drawing.  Wu Fang is good in art too but he prefers not to let Brenda and others know about it.  She looks radiantly beautiful in her eagerness to capture the mood of every character in her drawing. 

When the workshop comes to an end at 12.00 noon,  many people shake hands with the speakers and swap phone numbers among themselves.

Wu Fang’s eyes follow Brenda anywhere she goes in the room.  Her smile, her voice and every movement of her slender body captivate him.  In his heart’s core, love is unfolding itself in a perfection of puffs, folds and eddying shapes.  He is interested to find out more about her.  Brenda, oh Brenda.  You are a mirage which has turned into a reality.  You are my destiny.

Wu Fang is walking in Brenda’s direction, determined to get her telephone number.  When he is a few steps away from her.  A tiny voice rings in his ear:

“Wu Fang, are you sure you are worthy of her love?  She is so good and you are so lousy.  She is a mentally healthy girl and you are schezophrenic.  The union of you two will only invite disasters.  Haven’t you made enough blunder of yourself before her within these three days?  For certainty she has a low opinion of you.  You are not fit to love, not fit at all.”

Wu Fang stops in his tracks and is unable to proceed.  After some exchanges of hugging and parting words, Brenda leaves for the airport in a van with a few teachers without turning a glance in Wu Fang’s direction.

                                                (The End)