Goodbye, Tan

In a calm, almost lukewarm manner, I said goodbye to Tan last Thursday afternoon. No handshake, no hugging and no exchange of emotive words.

Tan had been my colleague for six years. It had never occurred to me that we would become close friends the first time we met each other. He was so straightforward and optimistic while I so silent and moody. He called me 'Big Brother' in our first meeting and I was embarrassed. He always wanted to hold me into a conversation but I tried my best to dodge him. I was a misanthropist who preferred to retire himself in a dark corner.

However, I had to spend much of my time with him at school because both of us had been assigned to head the volleyball club. I soon found him personable, sincere and trustworthy. He let me know everything about himself and confided in me his problems. In our free time, he taught me how to play volleyball and swim. He even asked me to go out shopping with him and his Kayan wife. I witnessed many tiffs and coquettish talks of theirs.

Despite Tan's outspoken nature, he is rather frugal and calculative. He is generous with me but not generous with himself. As far as I can remember, he seldom ate out and hardly turned on the air-conditioner in his house. If I came across something good in a supermarket, I would never be hesitant to buy it, and add some more for good measure. In the case of Tan, he would think hard before buying anything, and turn into a complaining mode when he saw something a little pricey. I understand him well. He was trying to scrimp and save the best way he could. He not only pays the monthly installments of his house, but also those of his parents' house in Kuching.

Tan is an organized person too. From my observation, he kept everything neatly in files. I am the complete opposite of his character. I have a bad habit of stuffing any papers willy-nilly into my drawers.

I would always be happily obliged if Tan asked me to write application letters in English. Knowing that I can't drive, he would take me anywhere I wanted to go. If he couldn't make it, he would ask his wife to do it for me. We always traveled to Penang, Kuala Lumpur and Sabah together.

When I learnt that Tan's application for a transfer back to his hometown Kuching had been approved and granted, I was beside myself with sadness. It had almost become a habit of mine to see him and his wife every day. On the day of farewell, I tried to make myself calm and composed. He looked calm too. But we men are known for our natural reticence. We are not accustomed to showing our true emotions.

I wish Tan and his wife all the best. May they be always happy in Kuching.


P.S.