Criticism and Accusations, Rain On Me!

For many years I have been the main subject of contempt. 

The first day I reported for duty at my present school, I was scoffed by my ex principal and many colleagues for my inferior achievement in English. I only obtained a C4 in SPM, a relative low grade compared to those of the other English teachers. Unbeknownst to the contemptuous lot, I had been an avid reader of novels after SPM and my proficiency was far beyond the grade that had pigeonholed me. Apart from my own effort, there was a person who played an important role in improving my English. He was the late Brother Albinus, a La Salle brother who always corrected the way I spoke and wrote during my two years' stint at St. Patrick, Kuching.

Throughout my 17 years at SMK St. Joseph, many different Panatias have observed me and I am in their bad books. For one thing, I have always made a botch of things in my lessons. My class control is weak. For the other, their so-called sufficient knowledge of grammar deludes them into thinking that my language is bad. At one time, after a teaching observation, my Panatia summoned me to her desk and told me that I had made a gross error in my teaching. 

 "What is the error, Madam,"I asked. 

 "The sentence 'Nobody wanted to play with me, lest my taint rub off on them',' pointed out the Panatia. 'The word rub should be in the past tense."

"It isn't an error!" I protested. " The word rub is after lest, which should never take an -ed form!" 
 "No, you're wrong," said the Panatia. "As English teachers we should show our students a consistent use of past tense. What you did is not exemplary to the students."

 "But the word 'rub' is a subjunctive verb in the sentence!"

 "No, you're wrong," said the Panatia. "Go back to your seat and reflect on what I've told you."

 My achievement of C2 in Cambridge Placement Test does not change my colleagues' perception of me. They are firm in their belief that I did that out of sheer luck. Their prejudice makes me resign to the fact that I have always been a bird brain in their minds. 

 Last Friday, my Ketua Bidang censured me for not fully utilizing the textbooks and I countered her accusation by saying that the students could learn a lot from the photocopied extracts of commercial novels. 

"Commercial novels are interesting," I said. "And they expose the students to creative writing." 
 "What you're doing is not right," said the Ketua Bidang. "Why don't you use the prescribed novel?"
"The prescribed novel is good," I said. "But I wanted to expose the students to different genres of writing." 

 "Commercial novels are full of language inaccuracies," retorted the Ketua Bidang. "You're misleading the students!" 

What the Ketua Bidang said does not dampen my spirit. I know what I'm doing. Yesterday, I bumped into a Form Five student in town and she told me that her English teacher was teaching her class to write a letter to end a relationship. Wasn't it more unbecoming? The novels I chose were all steeped in family and friendship values. Why did the Ketua Bidang react negatively towards my activities? 

 As mentioned earlier, I have resigned to the way others judge me. The only thing I can do is be strong, listen to my heart and be as good as possible to my students. Criticism and accusations, rain as much as you can on me. I'm not afraid.