The Road Ahead

I wrote the following poem in October 2008, when I was very depressed. Although it is not well-written, it represents my darkest feelings. Looking back, I can still feel the ramifications of their damage -- a loss of temper at school which almost resulted in a lawsuit.

Too many things have happened to me recently
loneliness, hatred and sadness smite me to the marrow. 
Woe is me, and happiness seems so far-fetched.
I feel like crying, but my pride and conscience remind me not to 
For tears proclaim my defeat,
and defeat reveals a wasted-self with crumbled dignity.
But still I cry. Yes, I do cry.
Crying in sheer solitude, in gloomy darkness
Having no soothing arms to run into

I am tottering along a long and winding road,
being pelted by a ruthless, damaging squall
I am soaked through with humiliation,
and my spirit is yowling between the clangors of oppressive muteness.
Through my blurred vision,
I can see a surreal view looming far ahead..... 
A confused maze of thunderbolts is welcoming me
with open arms at the end of the road, which seem blood lust.
My heart is sinking into the deepest abyss
and throbbing at a pathological pace till it hurts.
 
Is my future as menacing as a sly, predatory beast waiting on its prey?
is it as doomed as the city of Sodom and Gomorrah?
or is it going to change my life from bad to worse,
or otherwise?
What should I do? Who can help me pull through the ordeal?
None! None! None! There is no one, no-one..........
No --one -- to-- give -- me --succor-----
Even God seems unreal in his prolonged silence
unreal........ unreal.......................

My mind is hay-wired to the extreme. 
The distant sky at the end seems to be overcast with privation, fear,
uncertainties and even death!
Sigh.................
Somehow.........................somehow.............................
 Somehow I know............, I know.........
I have to reach there, for there is no turning back.
Life is a test, the result is either a pass or a failure
To defeat it is to keep the flimsiest hope in me burning 
Yes, let it burn, let it burn and let it burn....