Lampa
I have not recovered from my allergic fever, and it is now my second day in Kuala Lumpur.
I was in Penang three days ago, waking up finding that there were red rashes all over my body. I had indulged myself in a seafood meal with my friends and it must have been the shellfish that caused the allergy. As soon as I reached Kuala Lumpur, I went all over the place looking for a clinic but none of them was open. I rang up my younger brother but we could not meet each other due to miscommunication problems. At the end, I hailed a taxi and the driver agreed to take me to a 24-hour-clinic.
On the way to the clinic, the driver asked me, "Sir, do you have problem with your 'Lampa(penis)'?
Almost jerked up from my seat, I said, "No, I have an allergic fever!"
The driver chuckled and said, " I'm sorry, but most of my customers have such a problem. All because of their one-night-stand adventures."
"I am not like them!" I said curtly, feeling sick of him pigeon-holing me as a sex-seeking lecher.
However, there was another reason why I reacted to the word 'Lampa' hotly. Due to the allergic fever, there were rashes in my scrotum area.
"Sir, you are big and strong. Are you a labourer?" asked the driver, changing the topic.
"No, I am not," I said, keeping my frustration in check.
"Who are you then?" asked the driver, still as insolent as ever.
"I am a teacher," answered I.
"Sorry for having a wrong perception of you," apologized the driver, "but you don't have the polished look of a teacher."
"I'm glad to be out of the stereotypes," said I sarcastically.
After fifteen minutes, we reached the clinic. I went in and registered myself at the counter. After a few minutes of waiting, I was called into a consultation room. The doctor was a young Malay man. He was garbed in a grey T-shirt and a pair of jeans, not in the white uniform that I had expected to see.
"What's your problem, Mr. Lo?" asked the doctor.
"I have an allergy fever, there are rashes all over my body," I said.
"What areas?"
"My chest, my armpits and my....scrotum" I stammered.
"Can you take off your clothes and lie down there?" said the doctor, indicating the bed not far from his table.
I took off my clothes and lay down on the bed. The doctor put on a pair of gloves and conducted palpation on my body.
"Mr. Lo, take off your underpants. I want to examine your scrotum." the doctor commanded.
I could feel my face flush. Reluctantly, I divested myself of the last piece of clothing and my private part was exposed to the eyes of the doctor.
With his trained eyes, the doctor examined my private part, unfolding the foreskin to check on the redness. After a few seconds, he said, "Well, it is a little swollen. Is it itchy and painful?"
"Yes," I said shyly.
"Do you experience pain while urinating?"
"No," I shook my head.
With that, the consultation came to an end. He confirmed that my fever was due to seafood allergy. Then, I went to collect my medication at the pharmacy. Everything cost me RM39.00.
The taxi driver gave me a wide grin when he saw me coming out of the clinic.
"Did the doctor ask you if you have problem with your Lampa?" asked the man.
I glared at him and said, " Mine has nothing to do with it. My problem is due to seafood allergy!"
The driver was 50% right. But it was not necessary to tell him the truth.
I sighed in relief when the taxi pulled up beside my hotel. He charged me sixty Ringgit -- RM20 for taking me to the clinic, RM20 for waiting for me and RM20 for taking me back to my hotel. I found the fare rather reasonable. Other drivers could have charged me over a hundred.
Before coming out of the taxi, I thanked the driver for his patience. He smiled and said, "It's alright. Take care of your Lampa."
I was almost choked with anger by the last word he said.
I was in Penang three days ago, waking up finding that there were red rashes all over my body. I had indulged myself in a seafood meal with my friends and it must have been the shellfish that caused the allergy. As soon as I reached Kuala Lumpur, I went all over the place looking for a clinic but none of them was open. I rang up my younger brother but we could not meet each other due to miscommunication problems. At the end, I hailed a taxi and the driver agreed to take me to a 24-hour-clinic.
On the way to the clinic, the driver asked me, "Sir, do you have problem with your 'Lampa(penis)'?
Almost jerked up from my seat, I said, "No, I have an allergic fever!"
The driver chuckled and said, " I'm sorry, but most of my customers have such a problem. All because of their one-night-stand adventures."
"I am not like them!" I said curtly, feeling sick of him pigeon-holing me as a sex-seeking lecher.
However, there was another reason why I reacted to the word 'Lampa' hotly. Due to the allergic fever, there were rashes in my scrotum area.
"Sir, you are big and strong. Are you a labourer?" asked the driver, changing the topic.
"No, I am not," I said, keeping my frustration in check.
"Who are you then?" asked the driver, still as insolent as ever.
"I am a teacher," answered I.
"Sorry for having a wrong perception of you," apologized the driver, "but you don't have the polished look of a teacher."
"I'm glad to be out of the stereotypes," said I sarcastically.
After fifteen minutes, we reached the clinic. I went in and registered myself at the counter. After a few minutes of waiting, I was called into a consultation room. The doctor was a young Malay man. He was garbed in a grey T-shirt and a pair of jeans, not in the white uniform that I had expected to see.
"What's your problem, Mr. Lo?" asked the doctor.
"I have an allergy fever, there are rashes all over my body," I said.
"What areas?"
"My chest, my armpits and my....scrotum" I stammered.
"Can you take off your clothes and lie down there?" said the doctor, indicating the bed not far from his table.
I took off my clothes and lay down on the bed. The doctor put on a pair of gloves and conducted palpation on my body.
"Mr. Lo, take off your underpants. I want to examine your scrotum." the doctor commanded.
I could feel my face flush. Reluctantly, I divested myself of the last piece of clothing and my private part was exposed to the eyes of the doctor.
With his trained eyes, the doctor examined my private part, unfolding the foreskin to check on the redness. After a few seconds, he said, "Well, it is a little swollen. Is it itchy and painful?"
"Yes," I said shyly.
"Do you experience pain while urinating?"
"No," I shook my head.
With that, the consultation came to an end. He confirmed that my fever was due to seafood allergy. Then, I went to collect my medication at the pharmacy. Everything cost me RM39.00.
The taxi driver gave me a wide grin when he saw me coming out of the clinic.
"Did the doctor ask you if you have problem with your Lampa?" asked the man.
I glared at him and said, " Mine has nothing to do with it. My problem is due to seafood allergy!"
The driver was 50% right. But it was not necessary to tell him the truth.
I sighed in relief when the taxi pulled up beside my hotel. He charged me sixty Ringgit -- RM20 for taking me to the clinic, RM20 for waiting for me and RM20 for taking me back to my hotel. I found the fare rather reasonable. Other drivers could have charged me over a hundred.
Before coming out of the taxi, I thanked the driver for his patience. He smiled and said, "It's alright. Take care of your Lampa."
I was almost choked with anger by the last word he said.
Comments