Over The Top Sentence

'Come, Mr Lo,' said my new Panatia, motioning for me to come over to his desk. 'Look at the first two sentences of this essay.'

I came up to his desk and he handed me a piece of paper. The first two sentences of the student's essay read, '2015 did not rise like a phoenix from the ashes of 2014. It was ushered in amidst crises but I am determined as ever in making my annual resolutions.'

 I glanced at the title and it was my new year's resolutions, almost similar to the assignment I gave my students.

 'What's wrong with the sentences?' I asked, baffled.

 'Can't you see that the sentences are over the top?' He exclaimed. 'It's like a walk through the street in a tuxedo!'

 'I think they are alright,' I said.'The student was trying to be creative, and she did a good job.'

 'But the simile of the first sentence is atrocious!' retorted the young man.

 'As far as I know,' I said.'The description is correct. The second sentence explains the first one well.' 

 'I won't accept it,' said the Panatia emphatically. 'It is a bunk.'

 'From your point of view, ' I said. 'What kind of opening should your student come up with?'

 'She should write like this: Everyone has their own new year's resolutions. I have my own resolutions too.'

 'That's too dull for a Form Four essay.' I shook my head.

 'But it is at least better than the simile about that bird!'

 'I rest my case,' I said, shrugging. 'Maybe my writing skill doesn't measure up to yours.'